


Leonard and the Purple Bathrobe

by Sangerin



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 11:52:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8326840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sangerin/pseuds/Sangerin
Summary: 'Damn,' said Chakotay. ‘I’ve left my bathrobe in your quarters again.’





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written February 2001.
> 
> Tilly Watson and Kit McBride are original characters created by MagratJ and myself, respectively.

'Damn,' said Chakotay. ‘I’ve left my bathrobe in your quarters again.’

‘That’s quite alright with me,’ said Kathryn, gazing at Chakotay’s bare back as he went into his bathroom. ‘I’m not going to complain at all.’

Chakotay poked his head back around the door and smiled at her. ‘I’ll just bet you’re not. But I like my bathrobe, and I don’t see why it should live in your quarters!’

‘Transport it over here, then,’ said Kathryn.

‘I’ll have to go over and get it,’ he said, looking around the room.

‘What are you looking for?’ asked Kathryn, puzzled.

‘My pants. I’m sure you threw them over this way.’

‘Why bother?’ said Kathryn, with a grin. ‘No-one will be in my quarters. Just go as you are.’

Chakotay grinned back and abandoned his search. ‘All right, then. Computer, site to site transport. One to beam to the Captain’s quarters,’ said Chakotay, disappearing in a shimmer of light. He reappeared two minutes later, clutching the bathrobe, with a puzzled expression on his face.

~~*~~

When Kathryn went into Sickbay the next day to check on Tal Celes, who had been injured the previous evening, the Doctor refused to meet her eyes. No matter how much she tried to engage him in conversation, he gave one-word answers and rushed to the other side of the room.

As she was leaving, she stopped to admire the Doctor’s new holographic pet - an iguana.

‘What’s his name, Doctor?’

‘Ah…Leonard, Captain.’

‘As in McCoy?’ she asked him, smiling. ‘How appropriate. Hello, Leonard.’

‘Purple bathrobe,’ said the iguana.

‘Pardon me?’ said Janeway.

‘Chakotay’s purple bathrobe,’ Leonard repeated, then continued. ‘Busted.’

‘Excuse me,’ said the Doctor and hurried into the office, looking somewhat red-faced.

‘Excuse me,’ said Janeway, looking furious, as she hurried into the corridor.

‘Oh, Leonard,’ said Paris, exasperated. ‘Don’t you know how to keep a secret?’

~~*~~

‘What were you doing in the Captain’s quarters anyway, Doc?’ asked Paris incredulously.

‘I wished to give the Captain a present. A ‘thank you’ gift for all her kindness to me. Besides, I wasn’t in her quarters.’

‘But your little iguana was,’ said Torres.

‘Call it pre-gift research,’ said the Doctor. ‘I wanted to be sure that the holographic emitters I installed in the Captain’s quarters could support a holographic pet.’

‘You installed holographic emitters in the Captain’s quarters?’ Torres spluttered.

‘Well, no,’ said the Doctor. ‘I asked Seven of Nine and Mr Kim to assist me.’

Torres turned on Kim, who was sitting on the other side of the table. ‘You could get in sooo much trouble, Starfleet,’ she said, reverting to the old nickname. ‘What were you doing?’

‘Helping out the Doc,’ shrugged Kim. ‘I thought Captain Janeway might like to have a holographic pet.’

‘After that fiasco with Fairhaven?’ smirked Paris.

‘Pet, Mr Paris,’ said the Doctor. ‘As in animal. I was thinking of a puppy, actually.’

‘It’s a nice thought,’ said McBride, ‘but could you please get on with the story?’

‘Yes, well,’ mumbled the Doctor. ‘I had left Leonard running in the Captain’s quarters, monitoring from Sickbay, just in case anyone needed me.’

‘But, Doctor,’ said Neelix, leaning over McBride’s shoulder, ‘how could you be certain that the Captain wouldn’t return?’

‘I had programmed Leonard to reinitialise in Sickbay if the door to the Captain's ’ quarters was activated.’

‘But you did not think to include similar instructions should a transport into the Captain’s quarters be initialised?’ asked Tuvok, eyebrows raised.

‘You are correct, Mr Tuvok,’ said the Doctor, bristling. ‘I did not anticipate such an occurrence.’

‘Come on, Tuvok,’ said Carey jovially. ‘I mean, who would?’

‘Indeed,’ replied Tuvok, pushing a few buttons on the PADD he held. ‘Doctor, continue.’

The Doctor eyed the PADD warily. ‘I assure you, Commander, I meant no harm by my actions.’

‘Do not be alarmed, Doctor,’ replied Tuvok. ‘I simply intend to record your story for Voyager’s archives.’

‘Oh,’ said the Doctor. ‘I would not have expected…I was monitoring Leonard’s progress. The emitters appeared to be working quite well - Leonard was quite able to interact with the furnishings - crawl up on the chairs, knock things over, etcetera. Then he went into the Captain’s bedroom. At that point, Lieutenant Watson brought Crewman Tal in and I had to go and treat her. Lieutenant Watson, being her usual, inquisitive self…,’

‘Go on, Doc,’ McBride interrupted, ‘say "nosy". You know you want to.’

‘Oh, all right then. Lieutenant Watson was being her usual NOSY self, and while I was treating Tal, she began watching Leonard’s progress. It would appear that she saw…’

‘Why don’t you let me tell this part of the story, Doc,’ said Watson, from her perch on a nearby table. The others turned to her. ‘Leonard was exploring the Captain’s room, and having a fine old time. He’d found this lovely purple bathrobe to curl up in…it looked all soft and velvety, and very nice. But the funny thing was the monogram on the pocket of the bathrobe - it was a C - not a KJ, or an MJ, or even just a K…any of those would have made sense. I mean, having a bathrobe marked for "Captain" is just too strange.’

‘But when a certain transport occurred…,’ prompted Ayala with a huge grin.

‘Yeah, well,’ said Watson, swallowing. ‘Doc - I don’t think I want to tell the story anymore. You’re welcome to it.’

‘Coward,’ said Paris.

‘Fine, then, Mr Paris,’ said the Doctor. ‘You were there when Leonard spilt the beans. You finish the story.’ The Doctor crossed his arms and sat back, making it clear that he had no intention of saying anything more. Cries of ‘oh, come on, Tom,’ echoed around the crowded mess hall, and Paris looked up at the sea of faces around him with a twisted grin on his face.

‘You understand,’ he said, ‘I only viewed the recording. But seeing as no one else here is willing to tell the story…’

Watson and the Doctor kept their mouths resolutely shut.

~~*~~

Kathryn and Chakotay walked down the corridor towards the messhall, trying not to draw attention to the fact that they were having a conversation they would have rather had in private.

‘So what happened?’ asked Kathryn. ‘Between the doctor and his pet, and the looks I’ve been getting from Paris and Watson and McBride, I know that somehow, our "secret" is out.’

‘I told you, Kathryn, you don’t want to know,’ said Chakotay, immediately going beet red.

‘That’s where you’re wrong,’ said Kathryn, stopping outside the messhall. ‘I do want to know – and I’d rather find out from you than from the combined forces of Watson, McBride and Co.’

‘All right,’ said Chakotay, moving away from the messhall doors so that they were no longer in direct line of sight through the windows. ‘I beamed into your quarters and went into the bedroom. My bathrobe was lying on your bed, and curled up on top of it was…’

~~*~~

‘…Leonard,’ said Paris. ‘Now the Doc’s monitoring equipment was behind Chakotay’s back, which was a very good thing. But it meant that I didn’t get a good view of his expressions.’

‘Expressions, Tom?’ asked Carey. ‘Don’t you mean – ‘

‘No, he does NOT!’ said Torres. ‘Go on with your story, Tom – and Joe, one more comment and…’ she raised an arm menacingly.

‘I’ll behave!’ said Carey, pretending to hide behind Wildman.

‘As I was saying,’ continued Paris, ‘Chakotay beamed into the Captain’s quarters in the all together, looking like he belonged there. He went straight into the Captain’s room and reached out to pick up the bathrobe. But instead, he grabbed the iguana…and Leonard was not happy about it.’

‘Neither was his holomatrix,’ added the doctor. ‘It began to destabilise, and…’

‘Hey, Doc – who’s telling this story?’ asked Paris.

‘You are,’ said the Doctor, folding his arms, ‘but you are ignoring copious amounts of important detail.’

‘Oh, details, details…Leonard’s holomatrix destabilised, and the alarms on the Doc’s monitor began to go off. Tilly, here, was absolutely dumbstruck by proceedings, so the Doc had to come over to see what was happening. He got Leonard out of there straight away, and turned off the monitor. About then was when I came into Sickbay, to see Tilly sinking down onto the floor laughing and saying "Chakotay’s purple bathrobe," over and over again, the Doc fussing over the iguana, and poor Celes on a biobed in need of regeneration. So I went and looked after her, and tried to remember the treatment for hysteria – because Till was going to need it.’

The Doctor nodded. ‘That is essentially correct. Lieutenant Watson was close to hysterics – well, for her, anyway…’

‘Hey, just what do you mean by that?’

‘…And poor Leonard was quite put out by it all. I had to calm Watson down so that she could take a look at Leonard’s schematics.’

‘And once he’d looked after his pet, he came back and took care of Celes – who by that time was doing quite nicely, thank you.’

‘And then,’ said Torres, ‘you went straight to the monitor and played all that back – right?’

‘You got it!’

‘Well,’ said Tuvok, making a few last entries onto his PADD. ‘I think that we may say that the Captain and Commander Chakotay have been well and truly…what is the word you use?’

‘Busted!’ The word came simultaneously from Paris, Torres, Kim, McBride, Watson, and at least half the crowed in the messhall.

‘What was that?’ asked a new voice from near the door.

‘Busted,’ said Tuvok, solemnly. ‘You, and the Commander, have been "busted".’

The messhall was instantly silent.

**Author's Note:**

> This story fitted a number of JetC20 and JetC21 in-jokes of early 2001. It's a "busted" story, a "Leonard" story (the holographic iguana from the episode Life Line), and a "purple bathrobe" story. It probably was only funny if you were there at the time.


End file.
